The other day, I was thinking about the time when I was a high school freshman at a new school and wanted so badly to fit in. I used to pull the all-nighter several nights a week, watching MTV (when it was still Music Television) with re-runs of “Singled Out,” “120 Minutes” and so on. It’s what people my age did, right?
Being in this new school, I found myself separated from friends as the day was segmented into class periods and you didn’t see the same people all day. For the first few weeks, it felt like a lonely existence, which is why I tried so hard to find a way to fit in with, well, someone.
I noticed that some people wrote the name of their favorite bands on backpacks, binders, notebooks – anything that had a writeable surface. Not wanting to be left out, I started doing it too, hoping that someone would express an interest and strike up a conversation about it.
Of course, now that I think about it, I didn’t know too much about some of these bands save for a song or two from my late-night viewing habits (when all the popular rock/alternative songs were rotated about 50 times). My parents were not MTV-friendly and had blared country music so much that my ears are still bleeding. If someone ever did ask me about my new-found “interest” in Primus, I would have looked like a huge poser.
I laugh about it now and if nothing else, I’ve learned that fitting in isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. Seriously. Be yourself. There’s no point in trying to impress people by totally conforming to what interests them. So what if your tastes aren’t the same as everyone else or you’re not as cool? Chances are, someone is going to like the same things and think on the same level. (Hello, internet communities).
I also think about this in terms of social media and online communities. It’s OK to follow those who have some of the loudest voices, but don’t do it just because everyone else does. Find a real reason behind why you “drink the kool-aid.” If you can’t, try a different flavor or mix up some of your own.
I always struggled to fit in during the teenage years and, at some points, during college when people were still caught up in the high school standards of cliques, gossip and pettiness. I realize now, that there was no real need for me to fit in and be like everyone else, when I was actually born to stand out. Life lessons are funny like that …
Great post. It’s so true, too. I think we all go through a period of life where we need to fit in–some of us never grow out of it, in fact. I always *wanted* to fit in. I had a group of friends in high school, but we weren’t the “cool kids.” I hung out with a few of the cool kids on occasion, and also the “geeks” and some other people. I guess, really, I was a floater.
Keep standing out. That’s the most important thing of all.
Awesome post. Starred, shared, & bookmarked for future reference.
This is so true! I was like this about the Dead Kennedys in high school. Felt like I SHOULD like them, or I wouldn’t be very punk, but truthfully their album cover creeped me out. I also wore skater company T-shirts at one point in early adolescence, despite my inability to move more than 10 feet on one of the darn things.
Thanks for this flashback.:)
Excellent point about how we need to find comfort with ourselves (OK, good luck doing that in high school) and probably best to seek out our own A-list of supporters and peers.
“How social media is like high school” is topic I’ve been pushing and talking up on occasion. Would you like to do a shared presentation at PodCamp Pittsburgh on that topic or something similar and look back at this post too?
Cheers,
Adam @NoOneYouKnow